I know I've written the following words several times before, but I need to continue to admit that I'm a food addict and a compulsive over eater! As much as it pains me to admit defeat, I have finally submitted! FUCK trying to figure this food thing out on my own! Whether trying to eat more raw foods, or even just trying to eat more healthy, if I have any refined flours I'm fucked!! I now know that I cannot indulge even the slightest bit. If I do, I start craving more! More on my addiction to certain foods later.
Ok this day is almost over and I've been fasting for the last 3 days! Pretty big milestone for me since I've attempted to start this fast at least 3x already and have faltered on Day 3! This is a Big Deal for me!!
Today I got some tattoo work done. I did not want to cancel may appointment as the artist in booked 3 months out. (Picture to be added later.) It was an add on to my existing tattoo on my left arm. It wasn't as painful as my the first time, but OMG, "Yeah, it fucking hurts"! I have a tribal band on my left arm and it's the inside of the bicep that is really tender! I played some Nirvana on my ipod and "checked out"! Needless to say, it took a toll on my energy and I was super duper tired afterwards.
Update: Day 5
My arm is healing nicely! Feeling very good about actually making my 90+ day goal! I did catch myself negotiate starting over, AGAIN! "Fuck that!" I finally told my addicted self! I got on the phone and talked to a friend in recovery about my thoughts and feelings. It really helped to take the power away from the compulsion! Once I take a bite of cooked bread or chips, I don't want healthy! My mind craves and starts to obsess about what I'm going to eat and it's always cooked vs. not cooked! Hmmmm......I do have an action plan that I'll write about later.
--Think Positive & Love All
Currently feeling tired from a full day with the children. Helping my daughter with her science fair project as well as working on their bedroom. We've got mold growing behind the dresser from a water leak last summer! Crap! I cut out the affected carpet and sheetrock on the wall! Does not appear to be have gotten onto the studs underneath. Thank goodness! What a day! I'm officially poopied and ready for a giant glass of green juice.
Oh Boy, the day is almost over! Thank goodness!! I had a pretty busy day today. I did run out of juice and decided to make have some green smoothy to hold me over till tomorrow! Hmmmmm.......don't know if I'm going to do that again. It kind of got my stomach growling a bit in the afternoon! I put tons of goodies in it, so I was stoked to partake, but I could feel the hunger pains creeping back and it kind of bummed me out, slightly.
I came home in the afternoon and my wife was making some kind of yummy smelling casserole with cheese, onions, mushrooms and savory stuff like that! She also make a soup that looked really great as well! Good for her I thought. I had gone to the store and loaded up with greens and some fruit in preperation for my juice making task I'll get done first thing in the morning.
I had a venti coffee at starbucks this morning while. I was on the fence about having anymore coffee, but decided to have one during the meeting. Hmmm.....not sure I'll have anymore coffee going forward. I've been struggling since last February with getting off coffee after my last long fast! I really didn't plan on drinking it for 11 more months. We were on vacation in Lake Tahoe when I decided to have a cup. You know, because I was on "vacation" and it seemed like such a great idea! I love coffee! I love the aroma of coffee. I love the idea of drinking a fresh cup of joe! I really, really, love the effects of the caffeine buzz from coffee! But I'm an addict and I guess it only makes sense, that I do! I also know that after a while, I get tired of drinking it and get bummed that I "have" to drink it otherwise I start to feel lethargic! I dislike that feeling very much! It takes me about 3 days of feeling sleepy right around 12-2pm. We'll see how it goes! I'll post tomorrow.
Enough rambling about coffee. I'm tired and it's time to hit it. I love my restful sleep induced by this fast!