Abstinent Day 4

Funny to read my previous post's entry. "Addictive eating no more"

The good news is that I keep trying to stay abstinent from refined flour, processed sugar, chips, and caffeine! Yes I'm at it again and maybe, just maybe, I will not regress. I'm so tired of my past eating habits. I'm so ready to move forward from my unhealthy ways.

I'm up to 195lbs, the last time I weighed myself at least. I could have crept up a pound or two. OMG, 198 oh my! I never thought I'd be back in this neighborhood, but alas, here I am! I've been waiting to post until I had a few days under my belt. I didn't want any one day false starts. Like I've been doing for the past freaking year! "Today's the day I start abstaining! For fuckin sure this time!" Shea right!

Feels good to write again. Tonight was my wife's christmas party and I actually ate sensibly! What a freaking concept! Thank you God for giving me the strength to not share that lava cake with my wife! I kept looking at it! Debating! I didn't give it TOO much thought however! Thank god! I abstained and I'm thankful! I am just a little hungry right now, which is why I'm writing! I will most likely have some fruit. Even though it's 11:30pm and I could easily go to bed. I'm most likely going to have maybe a banana and some a bite or two of the raw chocolate treat I've paid $8 for from whole foods! Whatever! It is a serious treat for me! I just need to figure out how to make them myself. (All in good time!)

Keeping it real & grateful!

Addictive eating no more...

I'm not sure how it happened, but I've been raw since the first day of Autumn and I feel pretty darn good! Not sure where to begin except that I made the decision not knowing it was the first day of fall. It realized this a couple of days into it and it seems quite fitting for it to fall on this date. For the longest time I've been trying to come up with the "perfect date" to start my new way of eating...New Years Eve, New Years Day, April 1st, (my AA birthday), July 1st, my wife's birthday....I don't know why, but I wanted to make it a special day.

I'm sure I'll start blogging lots more now...I've got lots I need to get out of my system...I just hope I make sense!

Today I felt like I had some detox symptoms...like I do when I eat dairy....I started sneezing a few times, then my nose just ran and ran for 30 minutes maybe. Hmmmm....I expect lots of detox symptoms in the days and weeks to come!

I'm happy to finally start my journey!

Food Log:

64 oz of green smoothy
64 oz of water
1/2 cantelope
couple slices of orange
nut burger from cafe gratitude
some live nuts (from whole foods)
few figs
some sliced tomatoes
12 oz of kombucha tea

My plan is to start a fast either tomorrow or Monday. I will prepare the juice tomorrow...enough for a few days.

It's been a while...

Have been mindfully staying away from posting. Hmmm.... I enjoy writing, so how come! I know why! I've been too busy! I'm too tired! I have nothing to say! What does it matter, anyhow? No one really cares, so why should I care? Too funny! All these excuses sound wonderfully valid. Some are, but most are just that--excuses. To be honest, I just enjoyed reading my last post! Or part of it! It's interesting, how much I struggle with my addictions. Especially food and coffee!

I need to start writing again! It's good for me to get stuff out! I also need to start hand writing in my journal! I will try not to be too self conscious about what I write about and just write. I'm confident that I'm not the only person struggling with intake choices!

My wife and I recently got away to Calistoga and Mendocino for a few days. Ahhh....it was sooo nice to be away from the hustle and bustle of daily life.

The highlights were as follows:

1. Made love a lot
2. Stayed at Indian Springs resort for 2 nights and swam (floated) in the hot spring pool for long periods of time late at night under a blanket of stars.
3. Enjoyed my first mud bath
4. Stumbled upon Farm Sanctuary in the local book store.
5. Experienced my first fresh water spring. (Very Cool find)
6. Spent quality time my wife
7. Stayed 2 nights at the Stanford Inn. (The only thing it was missing was an olympic sized natural hot spring pool)

The whole trip was great! Our kids were in summer camp all week and we got away! It was nice to be apart, but it was also nice to re-unite with them at the end of the week!

So I just got done reading Farm Sanctuary! What a great book! It was a good reminder for me to why my food choices matter. Especially my reasons for not eating meat and for inspiring me to continue to strive to be 100% raw vegan.

I'm getting tired...so it's time for me to retire. Besides I feel like I'm rambling anyhow...I made a ton of juice today...so the plan is to juice tomorrow and get pumped up to start my fasting journey asap...

Green juice, green smoothies, OH MY...

What a difference a day makes. I'm so glad this day is almost over and I can plop into bed for a pleasant slumber! OMG...I had the hardest time falling asleep last night because of my coffee consumption! I knew it too! Since my body did not have any coffee for at least a week or more, I was super sensitive! I knew I was going to have a hard time of it! I think I actually thought I'd just have a small coffee or a grande! Oh no, not me dude! I have a Venti! It's like a tall beer or a pint of Lager! Then i go back for one more, when the caffeine buzz is really on! Like it's going to get better or something. Actually, I got cotton mouth and felt pretty lousy after about an hour or so after finishing my second Venti!

I think I've learned my lesson! I don't like the way caffeine makes me feel. Not to mention all the negative effects it has on your body! I've been re-reading a lot of the literature I have on caffeine and it really does help to keep me focused on why I need to stay far away from the stuff!

Intake:

32 oz Lemon water with MSM
32 oz of greeen smoothie
32 oz of greeen juice
64 oz of water
10 chlorella tabs
10 spirulina tabs
1 TBS bee pollen
2 bananas

I felt really great and was going to stay raw, but the Indian food we purchased last night was calling my name, "one last time"!!

I should have stuck with my plan, because I had plenty of energy prior to consuming the indian food!!

Coffee addict...no more

11:31pm

I was re-reading my blog entries from earlier this year this morning. It was fun to read what I was doing and feeling while on my fast--especially during the latter part of the fast. I miss the feeling of fasting!! I am motivated to start a fast soon...maybe I'll tomorrow...I think I'm going to start tomorrow....tomorrow...tomorrow....! I've been saying those words for several months now! The weather is getting nicer! I really am turning a corner in my battle with food and other mind altering substances.

I've been weaning myself off of coffee! Thank GOD! I did have a some coffee this morning. It had been at least 2 weeks since I've had any coffee. I enjoyed it, but.... I didn't enjoy it! I'm DONE!! Yeah, I got a good coffee buzz, but I certainly didn't need it!! REALLY!! I walked into a Starbucks to use the restroom, which I do quite frequently, and the aroma got into my senses and I broke down and purchased a Venti! I admit it tasted great and I thoroughly enjoyed it, at the time! But I ended up getting another Venti about 60 minutes later and, kind of, over did it, again! Anyhow... the last time I did this, I was quite sleepy around 2pmish the next day! I WANT ENERGY!! I WANT CLEAN GREEN ENERGY!! I know that's where I'm headed, it is so hard being an addict!

I think getting back to meetings is going to help! OA and AA meetings. I also need to connect with some local raw foodies and continue to listen and read inspirational bloggers and raw fooders! I finally got to an AA meeting on Friday night! OMG, it felt sooo good to be back! It had been at least 2 weeks. I've been feeling quite guilty because I haven't been feeling very sober lately! I've been letting my food addictions bring me down! I'm tired of feeling this way! This is why it was refreshing to re-read where I was in February while I was fasting! YES!! I'm close to starting again! Monday's are good for me to start a new!! We'll see!!

If you happen to read this, say hello and leave me a message of support! I would really appreciate it!

Stay Fresh

P.S. Wish me luck!!

17 Days...not too bad

17 is a far cry from 90! But...I'll take 17 over 3 0r 4 any day! 17 days and I faltered! It was a good run, but I'm stoked to be raw currently! I think I may have gone to that place of doneness with cooked food! I did eat cooked after my 17 days--straight away as I recall! It didn't take me long before I lost all that I had gained and worked so hard for.

Oh well! It is a journey! I'm feeling really strong and ready to commit, again! I really want to be the change I wish to see in the world. I have so, so many dreams, goals, ambitions, and creative ideas I can't be bogged down with cooked food sluggishness! No way! I'm actually tired slightly from eating too many fats, but hey, it's raw! I'm sure I'll be fasting again very soon! I'll be ramping up to actually make my goal of 90 days!

I've had a ton of gas today, and I'm not sure why? Maybe too much chlorella??

Looking forward to reconnecting with other raw fooders and folks that can relate to my struggles with cooked food!

Blessings to all,

Freshness

Stressed out...ARGH!!!

Yeah....I'm fucking stressed out!! To the max!! I'm seriously trying to hold it all together, but the last couple of days have been challenging to say the least. The biggest challenge was to not eat and stay the course on my fasting journey. I received my first phone call from a bill collector! FUCK!! I just can't stand the fact that this is happening to us! I just have to remember that we are not alone! We aren't the only people that have debt and have suffered a major setback! WHEN we get out of this mess! This is going to be it!! I will never ever be a slave to credit again!! It wasn't supposed to be like this! No it was not! I was ready for bed and thought I'd post a few words, but now I'm getting myself all worked up. I did make it to a couple of meetings and the certainly helped! It is getting easier, but my ego is taking a beating.

I'm thankful to be juicing. Thank you GOD for another day of juicing! I am truly grateful!

-Freshness