Made a decision...

This is a first!   I'm about to go all in OMG!  But hey!  Whatever!  This post will be confusing to me if when I go back to re-read it.  This is the 3rd time attempting to finish this post initially started on 11/12/16.  I couldn't bear deleting my previous thoughts...;-0  

Anyhow, I was moved to post this video tonight while I was watching the documentary Be Here Now.  The main actor was shooting a lot of this type of recordings-->which I have many of.  I made a decision to go on  a 90 day Juice Cleanse starting tomorrow.  I will plan to document my progress daily, either by video or by text entry.  

Wish me luck!

Ok, I'll leave the Post title: Day 3 No Coffee & New Sobriety date!  I'm so funny!  I can't count how many "new Sobriety Dates" I've had since I went out in 2010?  I honestly have forgotten how long it's been.  All I know is I had 4 solid years, then slipped on some knee pain with Vicodin.  It's kind of a long winded story that I will attempt to document, but for some other time.  I just got off of work and and wanted to post something before I get too tired.  I haven't had anything to eat since I got off of work.  Maybe I won't!

For the record my new (and last) Sobriety Date is 12/11/16.  I'm coming up on 90 days clean from weed and alcohol.  I did step 3 today with my sponsor and I'm feeling really good!  Today I decide to turn my will and my life over to my higher power as I understand him!  That means I will pray everyday, more than once I'm sure, to ask my higher power to help direct me to better do His will, NOT MINE!  Food has been my biggest struggle for over 10 years now!  I'm so tired of obsessing and thinking about eating!  Especially junk food and Gluten!  So going forward, no more gluten and dairy.  These 2 items will be my no go...getting tired.

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I'm so excited to have started over again.  I guess that's the great thing about a new day is the chance to start over again.  Anyhow...I'm definitely over staring over again!  I say that with a wink and a smile.

My new Sobriety date is, Saturday, 11/12/16.  I chose that day because that was the day I made a firm commitment to myself at the Tony Robbins--Unleash The Power Within seminar!  So Amazing.  I had 4 areas that were limiting beliefs and Alcohol, food, and caffeine were one of the areas that I was carrying around this self fulfilling prophesy that I wasn't worthy and definitely not worthy enough to get sober from these addictive substances.  Anyhow...I feel liberated and stoked to be on my way to a different future than I was headed towards.

So far so good.  Day 3 has been pretty good thus far.  I will add a voice memo to this post from my drive home earlier this evening.  Yesterday I felt hung over still from the weekend.  What a weekend that was!  So intense!  Such an amazing and incredible experience that words can barely describe!!  Absolutely filled with gratitude for the gift of TR!

I'm Baaack...AGAIN!

Interesting!  It's been a little over a year since my last entry!  Very interesting.  Also, re-reading my last entry!   Quite telling!  Hmm....How quickly I soon forget!  It is so interesting and fascinating to me to re-read about how I was feeling on my last post.  I'm still very busy, however, since it's already November 19, my side business is slowing down for me to catch my breathe and focus on me and my other interests.

Over the past year I've been listening to a lot of Rich Roll podcast.  I love it.  I love his interview style.  I like how articulate he is and how he interviews his guests.  He has many guests that I look up to and admire.  Most are extremely motivational in a very positive way.  I re-listened to his interview with John Joseph and am making a commitment right now, to go 100% vegan and to eat mostly raw!  Yes, it is official.  I'm recommitting here and now!  I will document here on my progress!

Interestingly, I was having dinner with my co-worker, whom I admire for his commitment to fitness.  He commented on how he was contemplating going vegan.  Our conversation continued on the various issues regarding eating meat.  i.e., factory farming, green house gasses, water consumption, un-sustainability...  I shared with him about Rich Roll and his podcast and turned him on to several guests that are into fitness and are thriving on a plant based diet.

Embarrassingly, my co-worker asked me about my experimentation with veganism, and raw foods.  I was embarrassed because I was partaking in the food that our department had on day shift.  They barbecued meat from costco in addition to other highly processed foods.  I was indulging my food addict in me.  I had to admit that I was eating the food because of my addiction.  I actually visualized myself passing on the food in the department earlier in the day.  It's never satisfying 30 minutes post!!  Never!  I hate the way I feel/felt!  I want to be the change!  I will use this as a catalyst for change!  OMG!  I AM READY!

Sitting here full and in silence typing away.  I'm happy to be sharing my experience strength and hope!  I so want tomorrow to be here already, because my tummy is full and uncomfortable.  I think I weighed 197lbs today.  My goal weight is 177lbs.  That would be so cool, if I could maintain that weight!  Anyhow...

I haven't had any flare ups in the last several weeks.  I've been waiting for something to rear it's ugly head.  Actually, my left thumb is has been sore for 2.5 days now.  I've taken advil for the last 2 days.  Very small flare up that I'm grateful for!

Anyway...!  Feels good to be writing again.

Peace / Plants...

I'm BAAAACK!!

Yes indeed!  I'm back!  This time I feel like it's for good!  OMG!  I'm such a loser, fat, fucking fuck-up!  JK..LOL...Not really!   This is how I sometimes think of myself, but I truly do love myself and want the best for me and my family!  I have a fucking dis-order.  I actually have several fucking disorders that I'm unable to control with pure will power.  I've tried.  GOD seriously knows that I've tried so many different techniques and nothing has really worked for me!  I take that back.  The one tried and true, for me, are the 12 steps of AA, NA, OA and MA!  I'm a fucking addict to so many things, I've been working on trying to figure out just what it is that I'm trying to cover up or numb out to.  I haven't smoked any weed this year.  Although, I've come close to entertaining the idea, I just haven't made the time to partake in that adventure.  I know how the tape plays out.  I've just been dabbling in a little alcohol and lots of food!  Food that I know is bad for me.  It really pisses me off that I have all this knowledge about health and nutrition that I still abuse the junk food processed really bad stuff!  Anyhow...I'm over that.   I've been gluten free for 3 full days now.  I've been sober from alcohol since September 20, 2014.  I'm done!  I'm so done!  I'm 47 years old and I've hated the trajectory I've been on the last several years.  It's time for me to make a change to get me back on the path to a happy and joyous life.  I miss writing.  My goal is to start writing again to document my life in a not so public forum, such as Facebook.  I will try and write about my diet, sobriety, spirituality, aches and pains.  I was recently diagnosed as pre-diabetic, which really pisses me off!  Err...motivates me to get that under control.  Anyhow...enough out of me for now.

I did get to Bikram Yoga today.

I have an auto-immune flare up on my right side of my foot.  On a scale of 1-10, it's a  6-7 to touch.  It's been bothering me for 3 days now.  I just took 4 advil to hopefully reduce the pain so I can get out of bed in the morning and go to bootcamp!

Namaste

Emily--Co-pilot

Day 23

I'm so busy there's hardly anytime for me to post.  Most days I'm too wiped by the time I get home @ 11:30 pm.  Lately I crawl into bed 15 min after I get home!

Last night I had to juice.  I made 7 quarts of green juice and 3 quarts of grapefruit juice.  I finally made it to bed by 1:20am.

The last several days, I've had very good energy overall.  The tongue film has finally subsided!  OMG!  My least favorite part of fasting is the god awful tongue and mouth film!  Yuck!  I'm still having a cup of coffee in the morning.  I need to drop this habit!  Maybe tomorrow.  I don't think it's doing anything for me at this point in the fast!  

I've lost 17 pounds since day 1.  I was at 199lbs.  When I weighed myself on Monday, I was 182 lbs.  I still have at least 10 more pounds of visceral fat to shed!  It is so disgusting.  I hate the fat that accumulates around my mid section!  It's been way to easy for me to throw on a loose fitting t-shirt to drape over the bulges!!  I prefer to tuck in my t-shirt.  It makes me feel better about myself!  Anyhow, these are just personal observations and goals I have.  I'm confident I will achieve my main objective to lose the weight and start anew!  

My favorite thing about fasting is sleep!  I love going to sleep at the end of the day!  I really feel like I sleep more heavily!  That my body is doing some serious house cleaning!  I always wake up feeling like it did some good work.  I feel like I dream more.  Last night's dream was a bit heavy.  I need to write about it!

Bathroom Details:
I did make time for a coffee enema today.  The last one I did was at least 2 days ago.  I inserted about 1250 ml of coffee and water.  I was able to hold it for at least 7 minutes.  The goal is to hold it for 12-15 minutes.  It's proving to be quite challenging to hold it any longer.  I did manage to have a BM just prior to doing the enema.  It looked like it had been in my body for some time....lots of mucus came out with the stool.

Dream:

Side note:  I did watch Drugs Inc last night.  It was about the meth trade in the bay area.  It showed folks smoking meth in glass pipes and craziness!

End of Day 19

It's just about the tail end of my shift.  I work from 3-11pm Mon-Fri and I'm pooped.  The good news is, the day is almost of over and I made it another day of fasting.  Horray!  Today was a good day.  I did have a cup of coffee, but didn't finish it.  I probably had maybe 8oz.  I think the coffee accelerates the weird tongue feeling.  Maybe I'll drop the coffee starting tomorrow.  I figure almost 3 weeks in, I'd have dropped by now.  I just love everything about coffee; especially the caffeine high!  I would really like to drop it for a year and just do it!  Maybe tomorrow will be the day.

Overall, I've had a great day!  Intake was about 4 quarts total.  Some brothy soup from the cafeteria.   This weekend I plan to make a pot of broth.  It's really nice around dinner time.  

I had kind of a small BM today, but I did have one.  

I slept like a rock.  I had to get up earlier than usual.  In bed close to 1am last night and I was up at 6 to use the bathroom.  I went back to bed and I finally got up just after 7am.  I had very good energy all day!  

I'm wondering if and when my tongue/mouth film will get calm down.  That's the only downside to this fast is dealing with my mouth and tongue!   I've been brushing at least 3 - 4 times per day.

That's about it for an update.

--Doug

Day 18/19

Technically it's day 19 because it's after 12am.  ;-)  Just got done juicing 10 quarts of juice.  I have to pre-prepare my juice.  I don't have the time or energy to make juice every single day!  No no!  I completely wanted to come home and veg!  Not make juice.  It's done.  I'm good for a couple more days!  Feeling ok today.  Not as good as the last 2 days.  I really need to give up the morning Joe!  I just may drop it tomorrow.  The other day when I had Joe after being off for 2 days, I could not sleep!  I serously felt like I laid in bed all night and thought.  I'm sure I fell asleep around 3-4am, but I didn't feel great!  Anyhow...I took a coffee enema today.  That went way better than the first time 2 days prior.  I was able to empty the full 1.5 quarts in one fell swoop.  I think it helped that I had a bm just prior to doing the enema.  Ahhh....It felt really good to release.  It really felt like bile was realeased from the liver towards the end.

I'm pooped.   I wanted to get something written down, however!  I'll try and write daily or every other day.  I'm kind of surprised that I'm not really having any food cravings.  That's a good thing for sure!

Peace