So, it's 2:20am EST and I've had coffee, fast food, soda, and a piece of lemon bread! THIS IS IT!!! I've fucking had it! I'm so tired of being sick and tired! I'm so mad, and energized at the same time. I've got to post now! I've had shame, guilt, remorse, and overall sadness the last several days and weeks! I've been on such a roller coaster these past several months, it's finally time for me to get off and do what I really want to do: put a halt to my compulsive eating! I really am a true addict in every sense of the word. And of multiple substances. Ever since I got sober from alcohol and marijuana, other forms of addictive compulsive behaviors have reared there ugly heads. I guess it REALLY is a good thing! In the sense that I appreciate the journey! I'm so glad that I know the truth and know exactly what to do! My ego is a little pissed that I've surrendered! Fuck it! I heard it so eloquently put recently, "A defeat of the ego is a Victory for the soul!" I am powerless! I'm powerless over food! I'm powerless over cooked food especially! I am not a normal eater! I am not a normal drinker! I cannot have just one of almost anything!
I'm actually excited! I'm a little fearful, but a lot excited! I'm ready to have more energy! I'm ready to be a better Dad and Husband! I'm looking forward to not obsessing about what I'm going to have for dinner or to have that last piece of something! I'm ready to have better health! I'm so ready for a new start! Please god help me! I'm so grateful for my life and all of the my raw heros!
I should really change the title of this blog to My great BIG LIFE Adventure! I'm sure I'll be writing more! I love to write! So much going on in my life right now. I need the extra energy!
Love to all!