Today was a long travel day for me. I managed to stay abstinent from processed sugar, refined flour, and starches--Feels really good. I read quite a bit from 12 steps to raw food by Victoria Buetenko! She's so awesome. I loved her first book and love this book even more.
Upate: 10/19/08 7:45am
So insidious this disease is! Is it really a disease like AA and OA claim it to be! A disease of the mind and a spiritual malady, that when I take that first bite of whatever it is I deemed to be abstinent from, I cannot control how much I'm going to eat! For me, I have a low pain threshold, so it doesn't take much, but I still feel the same way afterward. Bummed, remorseful, self pity.
My father-in-law came to visit today and brought some of his famous latvian rye bread, "my favorite"! I wasn't planning on eating any. But then came a thought that triggered something inside my head that said, "it'd probably be ok if you just had one tiny slice". I had two! I had it just before we went out to dinner. I told myself earlier that I was definitely just going to have a green salad with lemon juice, no matter where we went to eat! But that triggered thought eventually said that it was ok to have the bread and that I'd probably be able to control my intake tonight, so go ahead and eat, whatever, one last time! Famous last words!
Insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results! I'm so fucked up! Oh well! I did it again! I over ate at dinner then at home late in the eve, then paid for it this morning. It was hard to get up. I felt slightly nauseous! But today was another day to start a new! And I did just that! I've been 100% raw and feel great for doing so!
I made a rather large salad tonight after the meeting! I was chuckling to myself, that I've never overate on a salad! I was a big salad and I was really trying to finish it, but couldn't! I was in San Francisco today and went to Cafe Gratitude for the first time! It was such a cool place! I had a bowl of coconut curry soup and a bagel with "lox" to go! I'm well on my way to a new start! I'm hopeful I won't have anymore slips.
I'm really going to try and make being abstinent as important as not drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana! I'm an addict and food fucks with my sobriety!! Cooked food is just another drug for me and I know it! I may use the OA meetings as a tool as well as trying to get reconnected with other raw foodies!
Until next time... Grateful Doug