Long Day...abstinent... and Raw

Today was a long travel day for me. I managed to stay abstinent from processed sugar, refined flour, and starches--Feels really good. I read quite a bit from 12 steps to raw food by Victoria Buetenko! She's so awesome. I loved her first book and love this book even more.

Upate: 10/19/08 7:45am

So insidious this disease is! Is it really a disease like AA and OA claim it to be! A disease of the mind and a spiritual malady, that when I take that first bite of whatever it is I deemed to be abstinent from, I cannot control how much I'm going to eat! For me, I have a low pain threshold, so it doesn't take much, but I still feel the same way afterward. Bummed, remorseful, self pity.

My father-in-law came to visit today and brought some of his famous latvian rye bread, "my favorite"! I wasn't planning on eating any. But then came a thought that triggered something inside my head that said, "it'd probably be ok if you just had one tiny slice". I had two! I had it just before we went out to dinner. I told myself earlier that I was definitely just going to have a green salad with lemon juice, no matter where we went to eat! But that triggered thought eventually said that it was ok to have the bread and that I'd probably be able to control my intake tonight, so go ahead and eat, whatever, one last time! Famous last words!

Insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results! I'm so fucked up! Oh well! I did it again! I over ate at dinner then at home late in the eve, then paid for it this morning. It was hard to get up. I felt slightly nauseous! But today was another day to start a new! And I did just that! I've been 100% raw and feel great for doing so!

I made a rather large salad tonight after the meeting! I was chuckling to myself, that I've never overate on a salad! I was a big salad and I was really trying to finish it, but couldn't! I was in San Francisco today and went to Cafe Gratitude for the first time! It was such a cool place! I had a bowl of coconut curry soup and a bagel with "lox" to go! I'm well on my way to a new start! I'm hopeful I won't have anymore slips.

I'm really going to try and make being abstinent as important as not drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana! I'm an addict and food fucks with my sobriety!! Cooked food is just another drug for me and I know it! I may use the OA meetings as a tool as well as trying to get reconnected with other raw foodies!

Until next time... Grateful Doug

This is it...REALLY IT

So, it's 2:20am EST and I've had coffee, fast food, soda, and a piece of lemon bread! THIS IS IT!!! I've fucking had it! I'm so tired of being sick and tired! I'm so mad, and energized at the same time. I've got to post now! I've had shame, guilt, remorse, and overall sadness the last several days and weeks! I've been on such a roller coaster these past several months, it's finally time for me to get off and do what I really want to do: put a halt to my compulsive eating! I really am a true addict in every sense of the word. And of multiple substances. Ever since I got sober from alcohol and marijuana, other forms of addictive compulsive behaviors have reared there ugly heads. I guess it REALLY is a good thing! In the sense that I appreciate the journey! I'm so glad that I know the truth and know exactly what to do! My ego is a little pissed that I've surrendered! Fuck it! I heard it so eloquently put recently, "A defeat of the ego is a Victory for the soul!" I am powerless! I'm powerless over food! I'm powerless over cooked food especially! I am not a normal eater! I am not a normal drinker! I cannot have just one of almost anything!

I'm actually excited! I'm a little fearful, but a lot excited! I'm ready to have more energy! I'm ready to be a better Dad and Husband! I'm looking forward to not obsessing about what I'm going to have for dinner or to have that last piece of something! I'm ready to have better health! I'm so ready for a new start! Please god help me! I'm so grateful for my life and all of the my raw heros!

I should really change the title of this blog to My great BIG LIFE Adventure! I'm sure I'll be writing more! I love to write! So much going on in my life right now. I need the extra energy!

Love to all!

I'm so crazy...

I ended up fasting for 6 days! It was really nice to go that long! I didn't really set any goals and I guess I should have in retrospect. I was just testing the road again after such a very long break.

I'm such a cooked food junkie! It is so hard to get away from it...especially when the family is not on the same page as I am. My wife, has come a long way in a short amount of time! She recently read the book, skinny bitch and went vegan overnight! It was awesome to see her get it! I guess she was finally ready.

My plan is to make more juice today and stay 100% raw, all day! We'll see if I make it! I ALWAYS have big plans for the day ahead only to falter by evening!! Maybe I'll pick up the book 12 Steps to Raw foods!