I proved it, yet again, that I'm unable to drink coffee and try and eat right or plan to fast. I did that one other time, but that was a long time ago! I had a coffee today after my job was complete around noon. I know, I wasn't planning on having any coffee, EVER AGAIN, but I guess I wanted to try it again. This may be the first time, that I've written about it post relapse. Hey, at least it wasn't cannibis or alcohol. My new sobriety date is growing on me. Maybe tomorrow will be my new abstinence date! We'll see! I'm not planning on drinking coffee tomorrow. Fuck that! It was really good about 1 hour after drinking the coffee, but by the time I arrived back home, I already regretted drinking it. I was still going to stick to my healthy eating plan, but by the time 5pm rolled around, I was already thinking about fried food and trying to suck up the caffeine with shitty foods! Oh well, I did it again! It really is like alcohol to me. No matter how much health education I ingest into my mind. No matter how much I really, really want and honestly desire to eat a certain, specific way; I'm having trouble trying to control my eating! I really, really feel powerless over certain foods and it really makes my ego very very sad that I can't suck it up and stick to my program! My sober brain looks at this as an opportunity for growth in the OA program. My ego is so upset that I'm even thinking about needing help with my eating! "What the fucks a matter with you that you fucking can't control your fucking eating!" I was thinking about that today! I guess I really am an addict to a lot of things! I just don't want to continue to struggle with my weight! Thank god I'm vane! OMG! Thank god I care about how I look! I truly do! I know I'm not alone here! I sure hope I can help someone else with this terrible terrible fucking food issue! OK....I'm done venting! More later!