Heeeey! Thought I'd write a little before bed. It's been an interesting last couple of weeks! Everything is good and I'm grateful to be sober today! Well, at least sober from alcohol and cannibis. (side note: Funny that the word cannibis is indicated as being mis-spelled, but it safari doesn't' have an alternate word...not that i care) My intention is to get myself to an OA meeting very soon! I feel like I'm ready to take a step in the direction of food addiction recovery! OMG, I appear to very powerless over some foods and caffeine! Granted to today was our family's day to celebrate Thanksgiving with an excellent meal and shared with some good friends! But, I've been feeling like this for some time. I feel like recovery from alcohol and pot must also include some recovery from other addictive substances that consume my brain. I so want to be free from my desire to use addictively and to really feel the natural energy that I have internally! Lately, I've been spending $7 a day on starbucks coffee---> 1 venti coffee and 1 venti eggnog late...I'm starting to develop a tolerance for this amount and it's not having the desired effects that I get when, say, i've been off of caffeine for a few days then drink again! It seems like i've been on this roller coaster ride for some time. I've been trying to "control" my intake! I've been trying to read healthy books, listen to healthy podcasts, purchase healthy foods and supplements only to fail miserably with my latest and greatest plan! I'm getting tired and feeling sick and tired! I feel like I'm ready let go and humbly ask for help! My ego tells me i can do it myself, FUCK THAT! YOU CAN DO IT!! LoSER!! Fuck head! Whatever! I'm so over it! I'm ready to stop driving the bus!
I've been regularly attending meetings in AA as 12am. I get off at 11pm and it's a great way for me to get a meeting in before I end the day! My days are packed! I feel like if I ate better I'd get more done as well! Why not ask for help! All I'm going to do is work the 12 steps of OA with a someone that is doing the as well! I think today was my 5 meeting in a row! It's amazing how the 12 programs work! I feel so much better! OK...I'm tired...my plan tomorrow is not to have any coffee! I will try and post more often!